"Over the weekend, Senator Barack Obama visited New Hampshire and thousands of people showed up to hear him speak. The New Hampshire crowds were excited, because apparently, this is the first time they've ever seen an African-American."
--Conan O'Brien
"Everyone is so concerned now where all of the candidates are born. McCain was born on a military base in Panama. Hillary was born outside Chicago, and if you believe the media, Barack Obama was born in a manger."
--Jay Leno
If John McCain is elected President of the United States then the French will immediately surrender to us. If Barack Obama is elected President then the French will immediately invade us.
Here an interesting fact: If you add John McCain's age and Barack Obama's age together you'll get the number of times Obama usually says "uh" when answering a question.
The age disparity between the two candidates in the upcoming election is significant. John McCain is 71 years old. By contrast, Barack Obama is 322 years old in dog years.
Q. Why did John McCain cross the road?
A. There was an Old Town Buffet on the other side.
Q. Why did Barack Obama cross the road?
A. To help the other side.
After Barack Obama claimed to have campaigned in 57 states, John McCain should have sent him the name of a good Alzheimer’s specialist.
John McCain rolled up his sleeves and went offshore in the Gulf of Mexico looking for oil for American drivers. Barack Obama responded by going to the shores of Hawaii, taking off his shirt and oiling up his torso for American soccer moms.
The sad fact is that if John McCain is elected President he might not last another four more years. A sadder fact is that if Barack Obama is elected President then America might not last another four more years.
Q. Why won’t Obama laugh at himself?
A. Because it would be racist.
Richard Nixon said “I am not a crook!”
Barack Obama says “I am not on crack!”
Anagrams
President Barack Obama = Arab base, pink Democrat
President Barack Hussein Obama = A Democrat speaks inane rubbish
Q. What do Obama and Osama have in common?
A. They both have friends who bombed the Pentagon.
Q. Why doesn’t Barack drink Pepsi?
A. He thinks that things go better with coke.
Q. Why wouldn’t Barack salute the American flag?
A. It was ours.
Q. Why did Obama change his name from Barry to Barack?
A. He thought Barry sounded too American.
Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting. Well, for example, the other day I went downtown and into a shop. I was only there for about 5 minutes, and when I came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket. I said to him, 'Come on, man, how about giving a retired person a break'? He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. I called him a 'Nazi.' He glared at me and wrote another ticket for having worn tires. So I called him a 'doughnut eating Gestapo.' He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he wrote a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more I abused him the more tickets he wrote. Personally, I didn't care. I came downtown on the bus, and the car that he was putting the tickets on had a bumper sticker that said, 'Obama in '08 .' I try to have a little fun each day now that I'm retired. It's important to my health.
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