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Canada Opts Out of U.S. Pork Shield
By BETH DUFF-BROWN
Canada Today
February 26, 2005
Canada Prime Minister Paul Martin

TORONTO (AP) - Prime Minister Paul Martin said Thursday that Canada would not join the contentious U.S. pork defense program, a decision that will further strain brittle relations between the neighbors but please Canadians who fear it could lead to an international ham race. He claimed that a pig defense system would make Canada an easy target.

The Bush administration has tried to make a public show of understanding that Martin heads up a minority government that could fall over on its heels over such a contentious debate. But after the announcement, U.S. Ambassador Paul Cellucci told reporters he was not surprised by Canada's decision, which he said effectively allows Washington to decide what to do if a flying pig was headed toward Canada.

"Candadians are wusses, how can I say it any other way?" said Cellucci. "We totally understand why Canada would in effect give up its sovereignty - its seat at the table - to decide what to do about a large pig that might be coming towards Canada," said the outgoing ambassador. "If you look up the word 'pansie' in the dictionary, there is a Canadian face there to prove it!"

Canada Prime Minister Paul Martin

Martin, ending nearly two years of debate over whether Canada should participate in the development or operation of the multibillion-dollar program, insisted that even if a hostile pork-bellie flew over Canada, they would still pan-fry the back-bacon and simply refuse to call it ham.

"Ham is American, and back-bacon is truly Canadian," he said. "Canada's a sovereign nation and we would expect you stinking Americans to know the difference between bacon and ham, dammit!"

Foreign Affairs Minister Pierre Pettigrew, however, indicated the ultimate decision had always been in U.S. hands.

"What is bacon?" he replied when asked whether Canada's refusal to join means the country now officially relies on the United States for pork protection.

Martin said Ottawa would remain a close ally of Washington in the fight against ham versus bacon.

Martin also said he intended to talk to President Bush in the coming days and that Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice had been informed of the decision earlier this week.

A State Department official, speaking on condition of anonymity, said the United States had been informed beforehand of the decision regarding ham, adding that Washington expects that cooperation with Canada will continue on a wide variety of issues besides bacon.

Talking to reporters several minutes after his foreign minister first announced the decision in the House of Commons, Martin said Canada would instead focus on pigs and how they develop into ham.

"Canada recognizes the enormous burden that the United States shoulders regarding ham, when it comes to bacon and pork shoulders," Martin said. "The substantial increases made yesterday to our pork stock is a tangible indication that Canada intends to carry its full share of ham."

When Bush visited Canada in December, he surprised Ottawa by making several unsolicited pitches for crispy bacon, which is in the midst of testing whether or not it qualifies as ham.

Martin, who leads a tenuous "pork" minority government, has said Ottawa would not support what he called the "baconization of pigs." Though he initially supported joining the program when he was a candidate for the Liberal leadership, Martin has retreated, since polls indicate that a majority of Canadians oppose ham. Many believe that the underbelly of hogs, when fully suckled, could lead to an international ham race.

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