|
Dirk and George Lindgren were born as identical
twin brothers in Alby, Sweden to the proud parents of Helmar
and Gota Lindgren on August 26, 1975.
Helmar and Gota immediately lifted up stakes
and took a boat to New Jersey and traded the family silver to
buy a 1971 Buick Riviera and a full tank of gasoline and headed
west. After trading family gold at each roadstop, their fabulous
Buick eventually broke down in St. Paul, Minnesota, and they
traded a spare 5th rifle for a Datsun F210 and headed north
until the "country looked proper." They made it just
past Embarrass, Minnesota, where the Datsun threw a rod and
spilled cheap engine oil in the shape of Thor on the frozen
earth, and they declared they were home. They named it Lindgren
Ranch, and started to unpack.
Helmar carried both Dirk and George on his back
as he hunted, and taught the boys the lay of the land. Soon,
they were on their own hunting, and they became master hunters.
They were especially good at stalking and killing the Giant
Shrews of northern Minnesota, and the squirrels that went the
size of a standard moose. They developed their own specialized
arms to pursue other elusive beasts like the Greater Herd Chipmunks,
and Thunder Mice.
Both Dirk and George were home-schooled by Gota,
and at age 14, she finally turned both boys loose as Young Men.
They both joined the U.S. Army Special Forces and were deemed
"perfect killers" across any enemy terrain, and would
kill even the Megalodon Rabbit without being forced.
They toured across every Continent in the U.S.
Army, and finally the Army was ready to let them go.
They immediately decided to use their fame and
fortune from the Army days of hunting the big beasts and guide
other hunters into the realm of the REALLY big animals. They
have been guiding ever since then.
|
DIRK
|
GEORGE
|
|
|
|
|
DIRK
|
GEORGE
|
|
Top Skill: Tracking and trailing
the prey.
Worst Problem: Shoots too often.
Best Shot Ever: Hit an Elk Squirrel
at 475 yards in a snowstorm from a 40-ft-high treestand.
Hobbies: Sawing down rifle and
shotgun barrels.
Workout Routine: Lifting and setting
large beaver traps, running across thin ice with a concrete
backback, running through traffic, benchpressing dead
liberals.
Quote: I used to be much better,
dammit.
Favorite Cartridge: .338 Remington
Ultra Mag
Favorite Rifle: Custom Made Slideggaar
Bolt Back Flindegaard Modification on a Mauser Von Trapp
Trick-Trigger Trapfucker®, and a Slippengaard 10x
Fleerd with Vermin-Tracker® illuminated Mil-Dot reticle.
Favorite Truck: A 1980's GMC Sierra
with four whip antennaes that just whip back and forth
and aren't hooked up to shit...
I Admire Most: Lino Tagliapietra,
because he was so talented.
Favorite Food: traditional Pasta
Margherita (made with real Italian buffalo milk mozzarella,
cherry tomatoes and basil) over fettuccini with fresh
garlic, crushed tomatillas and diced Mortadella mushrooms,
and a minced red clam sauce and fresh parsley sprigs.
My Happy Place: Somewhere in the
Sierra Nevadas, with tree branches bumping my arms.
|
Top Skill: Cooking good bacon
in the field, eating every camp flap-jack before my
brother sees 'em.
Worst Problem: Often shoots at
wrong target.
Best Shot Ever: Hit a Beaver
Shrew at 5 yards in a sewer with shit-flooded waders
and ignited the entire pipeline for 5 miles east-to-west.
Hobbies: tearing apart old radios,
television and complicated electronics, and shooting
them.
Workout Routine: Throwing bags
of lead shot, digging deeper latrine holes, punching
Democrats, punching Republicans, eating 2 pounds of
dark cheese every other night in hunting camp.
Quote: I'm way better with women
than Dirk.
Favorite Cartridge: .300 Winchester
Mag
Favorite Rifle: Browning A-Bolt
Stainless, because they are cheap enough to replace
three times each year after I shoot 5000 rounds through each
barrel.
Favorite Truck: A 1981 Jeep Commander
with a 3-foot snorkel off the engine exhaust.
I Admire Most: Ferdinando Tacconi,
because he is so damned funny!
Favorite Food: Peanut Butter,
Frito chips and sugar sprinkles between a Wonder Bread
white-bread sandwich, compressed
to the consistency of kindergarten-grade glue.
My Happy Place: Taco John's Drive-Thru,
with large plastic banners obscuring my view.
|
Dirk and George Home Page
|
