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The Gospel According to St. Titleist
Famous Golf Quotes

1. Eighteen holes of match play will teach you more about your foe than 18 years of dealing with him across a desk.

~Grantland Rice

2. Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child. Just how childlike golf players become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five.

~John Updike

3. It is almost impossible to remember how tragic a place the world is when one is playing golf.

~Robert Lynd

4. If profanity had an influence on the flight of the ball, the game of golf would be played far better than it is.

~Horace G. Hutchinson

5. They say golf is like life, but don't believe them. Golf is more complicated than that.

~Gardner Dickinson

6. If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork the way they do a golf club, they'd starve to death.

~Sam Snead

7. Golf is a day spent in a round of strenuous idleness.

~William Wordsworth

8.. If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt.

~Dean Martin

9. If you are going to throw a club, it is important to throw it ahead of you, down the fairway, so you don't have to waste energy going back to pick it up.

~Tommy Bolt

10. Man blames fate for other accidents, but feels personally responsible when he makes a hole in one.

~Author Unknown

11. I don't say my golf game is bad, but if I grew tomatoes they'd come up sliced.

~Author Unknown

12. My handicap? Woods and irons.

~Chris Codiroli

13. The ardent golfer would play Mount Everest if somebody would put a flag stick on top.

~Pete Dye

14. I'm hitting the woods just great ... but having a terrible time getting out of them!

~Author Unknown

15. The only time my prayers are never answered is on the golf course.

~Billy Graham

16. If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.

~Jack Lemmon

17. It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.

~Mark Twain

18. Don't play too much golf. Two rounds a day are plenty.

~Harry Vardon

19. Golf and sex are the only things you can enjoy without being good at them.

~Jimmy DeMaret

20. May thy ball lie in green pastures .... and not in still waters.

~Author Unknown

21. If I hit it right, it's a slice. If I hit it left, it's a hook. If I hit it straight, it's a miracle.

~Author Unknown

22. The difference in golf and government is that in golf you can't improve your lie.

~George Deukmejian

And Finally . . .

23. Golf is a game invented by the same people who think music comes out of a bagpipe.

~Author Unknown

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