1. Don't trust Whitey!

2. Don't be an idiot.

3. Never rely on the government to save your life.

4. Always have a firearm (with ammunition).

5. Don't shoot at your rescuers.

6. A boat is a good thing to have when you live below sea level.

7. When the smart people tell you to leave? Leave.

8. If you wait for a bus, when the bus drivers were told to leave several days before? Sit. Good boy!

9. Welfare stops when the mud gets waist deep.

10. If you bitch, $2000 will come.

11. When your $2000 runs out on beer? Don't bitch.

12. If 25 feet of storm surge greets you, learn to surf. Or see rule six.

13. Money is made from working. Try it.

14. If "The Man" didn't save you, you didn't try very hard, huh?

15. When life gives you lemons, try making lemon mud cakes.

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