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 NEW YORK, August 22, 2006 -- A college professor was arrested today at JFK International Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a
ruler, a protractor, a set square, a slide rule, and a calculator.
At a morning press conference, Attorney General Alberto Gonzales said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-gebra movement.
He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction. "Al-gebra is a problem for us," Gonzales said. "They
desire solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute values.
They use secret code names like 'x' and 'y' and refer to themselves as 'unknowns', but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the
Greek philanderer, Isosceles, used to say, 'There are 3 sides to every triangle'."
 When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more fingers
and toes."
White House aides told reporters they could not recall a more intelligent or profound statement by the president.
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