In a recent poll of gun owners, the following question was raised.

You are walking through a dark city street in the company of Senator Hillary Clinton (D-NY), talk show host Rosie O'Donnell, Rep. Maxine Waters (D-CA) and Sen. Dianne Feinstein (D-CA), all of whom are ardent supporters of the Government's right to take away your guns. An armed robber confronts you and raises his gun to shoot. 

The question: Behind which of the above would you take cover?

Among gun owners, the responses to this were anguished, but thoughtful. Most of the respondents cursed the questionnaire for forcing them to make so difficult a choice. Several complained of sleepless nights spent wrestling with this thorny dilemma. Nevertheless, the answers were quite instructive.

-- One school of thought supported using Maxine Waters, on the grounds that she's so dense that not even a .44 Magnum bullet could ever go through her to strike you.

-- Another group supported using Rosie O'Donnell as a shield, because her obvious bulk makes her a clear choice (you could hide a Chevy Suburban behind her).

-- Several observant gun owners noted that Senator Feinstein's mouth is so large that it creates a natural catchment for discharged bullets.

-- One loony even hoped that the goblin was armed with an AK-47, and that you could hide behind each of the women in turn as he worked his way through a couple of magazines.

-- Yet another crazed individual thought that you could shoot the goblin yourself, then take his gun and quickly shoot each of the women yourself before the police arrived.

-- But the clear winner was a man whom we'll call John, who as a pragmatist and philosopher is obviously in a class of his own. John selected Senator Hillary Clinton, using the following reasons:

1.)  If she bites it, the Republican Governor of New York would appoint a Republican as her replacement, and we'd no longer have to watch the spectacle of "Senate Majority Leader Daschle."

2.)  She's got Rosie-class padding where I worry most about taking a bullet, and above that point she still gives me room to shoot back.

3.)  Assuming the shooter is looking at her while firing, there is a strong classical theory to the effect that he will be turned to stone.