Patriots, the heresy of skwerlhuggery and the threat of squirrel world domination infiltrates all levels and aspects of our daily lives.

One of the cruelest attacks by the bushytail horde is on the sanctity of beer.

How and why would the maniacal skwerlballs do such a thing? By using beer to seduce the human race into accepting the false promises of squirrel world domination via the "beer goggles" effect.

That is, the chitterboxes aim to get innocent folks drunk, convince them that skwerls are nice and that skwerlhuggery is a preferred life-style.

Of course, Scary Squirrel World was the first to expose this insidious plot by tracking down and exposing the truth behind the most notorious beer-associated skwerl of all, Cheap Beer Squirrel (pictured below, left).

Our in-depth investigation culminated in a shocking confession from the skwerlhugger who took Cheap Beer Squirrel's photo, Ms. Betty France.

We also issued a dire warning to the world to save our beer from skwerlien influence and published numerous follow-ups exposing the plot in action.

For the most part, Patriots responded by pledging to be ever-vigilant for nutzy shenanigans in bars, liquor stores, restaurants and anywhere beer is found.

Unfortunately, there are still those who find themselves lured into the depths of skwerlhuggery by skwerls and beer.

Consider, Patriots, the sad story and fate of skwerlhugger Pete Dale. Mr. Dale befriended a slavering nutzy with a penchant for really cheap beer in his seemingly staid, English garden. Afterwards, skwerlhugger Pete's life spiraled out of control into a fog of booze and peanuts. In the end he lost everything, even his country...

Dear scary squirrel world,

Hope this photo makes someone smile. (It was) taken some time ago now, in the 90's in our garden (UK) and was not taken with a digital camera or a zoom. They (the squirrels) are/were wild and visited our garden everyday for food. I even built an oversized box placed high on a tree so that I could observe them. There were many litters...

Really Cheap Beer Squirrel photo courtesy Pete Dale

Around that time there was a documentary on TV about the grey squirrel and showing off their intelligence they even constructed an assault course with the theme music from "Mission Impossible" (click here for video clip - windows media - 1.3mb). Then along came an advertisement on TV for this make of beer with the slogan "I bet he drinks Carlings Black Label". So that gave me the idea to take the photo.

I did send a copy to the beer company at the time but they were not interested at all.

I do like squirrels and miss them. We now moved from the UK and live in rural France. Although we have a large woodland garden I have only seen one Red Squirrel at a distance.

~ Pete Dale

Patriots, one need only read between the lines to discern what really happened to skwerlhugger Pete: clearly, the incessant demands of his skwerlien overlords for more beer, more peanuts and even more beer coupled with threats of horrific consequences for noncompliance forced Mr. Dale to flee with his family to a foreign country where he's reduced to drinking wine... while the sweet taste of cheap beer is but a faded memory.

Of course, it's heartening to note that the brewers of Carlings rejected the attempt to promote squirrel world domination via it's delectable, albeit cheap elixir.

Unfortunately, other breweries have either ignorantly or knowingly sided with the bushytail horde's plans to turn beer drinkers into bibulous minions of skwerlhuggery. The most recent and shameful by Ireland's Guinness Brewery.

Guinness' capitulation came in the form of a commercial purporting to reveal the meaning of life called The Dreamer.

Unfortunately, the Dreamer's vision is corrupted by the presence of a stout-guzzling skwerl (click skwerl for video - windows media - 1.8mb).

All this leads to an obvious conclusion: we must remain ever-vigilant and forever diligent in our righteous struggle to preserve not only the purity of our beer, but the whole of civilization... If not, how long before we find ourselves toiling in orchards to supply the drooling skwerlballs with almonds for their liqueurs...